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[ In comparison, he doesn't waver. He barely even blinks, eyes holding steady as he keeps them on her face. Partly because he needs to observe her to properly know whether he believes her words or not. "I don't want to be anywhere else right now" seems like a lie, even if the evidence shows otherwise. There's a block on him, a wall the words can't get through.

It's probably the most void of emotion she's seen him. ]

Good luck with that, Hinasaki-chan.

[ She steps out, and he crawls down the edge of the tub until his head is under the water. His hands move to press over his face, heavy and hopeful the water might just take him where he's lying now.

Of course it doesn't work, and the amount of time would be worrying if not for the fact she should be able to hear him moving around in there. A while later, he opens the door with her amulet off his wrist now, and he simply holds it out for her to take. No words said whatsoever. ]

[Miu turns to him and for a moment she doesn't move, just observes him. At length she crosses over and holds out her hands, silently accepting it and curling her fingers around it.

She stares at it for a while, expression blank.] Higanbana. [She mutters the word, rubbing the pa of her thumb over one delicate limb of the flower-like decoration.] I never really thought about it before. They're associated with death, you know. Their poisonous, so they're planted at graves to keep animals from eating the bodies. But because the flower and the leaves never bloom at the same time, they're also a symbol people who are kept apart and can't meet.

[The blankness is gone again, her expression once again looking pained as she curls her fingers tightly around it and holds it to her chest, eyes staring at nothing in particular.

They flicker to him briefly and she feels herself shaking again. She hates it. She shouldn't be-- What? Effected? Showing this much weakness? It isn't that big of a deal. People have dealt with far worse things, so what right did she have to be this shaken up by something she'd known to be true all along, even if she'd been lying and lying to herself about it?

Lying hurts. The truth hurts. God, she was sick of it all.

He didn't ask. He doesn't, she thinks, probably even care, but the words bubble up in her throat, a physical pressure that has her blurting out:] I found my mother. [And then silence again, another hard swallow and she's shaking again and hating herself even more. Her vision blurs and her fingers tighten until she's again afraid she might break what's in her hands.]

...Can we sit somewhere? [Her voice sounds impossibly small and tinny to her own ears.]

[ He doesn't really even get a chance to stop her from talking as she murmurs out the description of the plant, the flower, that her crystal is part of. At least a decent enough replica of it, anyway.

She's showing a lot more than he would have expected, enough that he can't trust her to not be doing this to reel him in, expecting that she's doing it to make him feel guilty for treating her coldly.

Really, he could either give her the benefit of the doubt or play along, but instead he just stands there, head tilted to the side and arms at his side and says: ] Aren't you being selfish enough?

[Her stomach twists. It's not a rejection but it's close enough and too close on the heels of the last one; the area around her seems to grow like a void, where the light dims like it's being sucked away. She feels cold, or maybe that's her emotions playing with things again too, or maybe it's because she's still drying a little from the bath.

Either way there's a humorless little laugh and she shakes her head.] ...Yeah, I suppose, but... I'm going to be selfish a little while longer. [She blinks a few times, trying to hold back her tears, frustrated at the way they cling to her eyelashes and can't they just stay away?]

Please.

Tch. [ This time he doesn't even bother to hide the twist of displeasure, because being cruel will keep her distant. It may not have worked the first time because he played it wrong--but maybe this time he's ready. He's fueled by anger, anyway. No matter how dumb the cause of it may be. ]

Take the canoe. You're still wet, and I don't want that on my bed.

[ He steps over to to his bed, what with both being in the same room anyway. The apartment is smaller than hers. ]

[Miu doesn't move at first, watching him. Maybe that's part of why she isn't leaving, because the anger, the lashing out... Maybe, in a way, she thinks she deserves it.

So she does takes a seat on the edge of the canoe, folding her knees in close and folding her arms over them, bowing her head. It doesn't matter. She does deserve his ire, someone's ire, because she can't take it out on herself without it being labeled self-destructive. So she'll take it from someone. He was right, she was selfish.

He was right about a lot of things.

Her fingers clench and unclench around the amulet.] I found my mother. [She repeats herself, her voice sounding hollow as she speaks towards the floor and her knees.] You were right, Ouma-kun. I'm so stupid, and... lying... only hurts more. [Quieter, she repeats:] I'm so stupid.

I convinced myself... it would be okay. That somehow everything would magically fall into place like some kind of movie with its happy endings and everyone coming together again, and everything's forgiven and things are normal. [Her shoulders shake.]

...My mother died. Or, maybe... It's more like she was dead all along...And I didn't want to accept it. I was just holding onto her shadow, trying to convince myself... [She trails off, her words jumbled a little and she shakes her head.] I'm such a child. I wanted to go home so badly, I wanted to see her and save her and it's so stupid. I don't know why they sent me back home. I wish they never had. [Her tone grows harsher as she speaks until she's practically spitting the last words. She was happier thinking everything was going to be fine one day, and now that she knew the truth...]

[ Of course he was right, he usually is but no one fucking listens because they don't want to hear the harsh truth. Running after a mother who abandoned you seemed like a dumb idea from the start, and now Miu's breakdown of sorts only confirms that.

He actually snorts when she talks about happy endings, because that's a childish dream they all latch onto -- the only difference is that he knows when to stop, when he's spent too much time or effort lying to himself (and maybe death is the final resort to that, but who cares when you're stuck in a killing game and everyone around you is dumb and needs saving). ]

Probably because you had this dumb, childish dream you were clinging onto. If she already abandoned you once, of course she was going to do it again.

[ There's an underlying tone that he expects the same from her now. ]

[She doesn't say anything for a moment and glances up over her arms at him.]

That's what you think I'm going to do again. [It's not a question, but she can only muster up a glare for a few seconds before she gets tired of it and shakes her head.] Now you're being dumb and childish. Why are you mad at me when it wasn't my choice? I'm not the one who sent me home. If I'm lucky they'll never send me back again.

[She lets her head drop back onto her arms.] ...I got what I wanted in the end anyway. I got to see her. And tell her that I hated her. Even if it was only a shadow or a ghost... I did get to see her again. Why can't I be satisfied with that... [That last part was mumbled to herself, not really directed at him]

[ He doesn't say anything, just sits tense with his eyes on the floor instead of her. His expression not shifting in the slightest. Of course it's unreasonable to blame her for it, but he can't change that easily either. She might have chipped away at some parts, but all his head (heart?) tells him is that he's just letting himself in for hurt if he lets her back in again. ]

You wanted to go back, maybe that had something to do with it.

[ She could leave because it's what she wanted. ]

You've been greedy all along, haven't you? [ Even when he tried to push her back the first time, she wouldn't let go. ] No wonder just a little wouldn't be enough to satisfy you.

[ He could be nicer, he knows he could. But he could also try and save himself, which seems to be the automatic thing to do here. Maybe Saihara should have just told her everything before. ]

[Miu says nothing for a while, not sure if she's angry or upset. She wants to be angry. She wants to hit him for being stupid about this, for taking it out on her. At the same time, maybe she should just let him. She feels like she's hovering some line between being completely despondent and being motivated to--

To what? Finding her other had been the only motivation in her life, one of the only things she'd done for herself and of her own volition. It would've been easy to sink back into herself and let her life be dictated by the will of other people, but she didn't really have that luxury here.]

...I don't want to go back anymore. Maybe they'll decide to keep me here now. Not that it matters. [She laughs, but it's humorless and bitter.] I'm alone again. You hate me now too, even if it's stupid.

And I'm stupid too, still, because I still don't want to leave you.

[ His head lowers even more now, until the shadows cover his eyes well enough. His hands on his lap fidget slightly, as do his legs like he can't quite sit still, like he wants to run but it isn't like there's anywhere to escape too. She'll be able to see his board from here now as well, if she chose to look, but the angle should be off enough that it's difficult to read from the canoe. ]

Before I arrived here, I was forced to participate in a killing game. 16 students locked in an area together, given motivations to take another's life until there would only be two survivors in the end.

[ His voice is flat, void of anything. ]

Tell me why I should trust anything you say.

[She looks up as he speaks, shocked. There was a lot of different theories she'd toyed with trying to figure out his background based on the hints she'd managed to get, but nothing could've prepared her for that. He's not lying or exaggerating, she can tell that much, and her heart feels like it's going to jump out of her chest.

He'd said he'd manipulated someone to kill for him. Who...? And how long had the game gone? Had he 'won' or...? A lot of things seem to click into place with this realization and again she says nothing for a long moment. What can she say? There's no easy way to answer any of this.

Miu stands and walks to him. He said to stay off the bed, but she comes close anyway, standing before him close enough that their knees are almost touching. She's not even sure why she moved except for a deeper need to be closer, physically if nothing else. In truth, she wasn't fond of physical intimacy in most forms, but it was getting easier to accept and like it when she could actually choose it now.

But this isn't really the time to reflect on things like that. Miu doesn't reach out for him this time, but she looks down at him quietly for a few more seconds before she finally answers him.]

I can't. [Another little laugh and she shakes her head.] I can tell you I'm sorry. I can't promise this place won't decide it's sick of me and throw me out again, but... I came back. I came back to you. [Granted, she'd appeared where she did as a result of him having her amulet, which she'd figured out quick enough. She looks at her amulet and shakes her head.]

Even without this, you would've been the first one I ran to. Despite everything, I was... really happy, relieved, I guess, that I ended up here. Because you were here. [Miu pauses and drops her hands to her side again.]

That's the truth. I can't make you believe it, but it is. All I can do is keep saying it and showing you until you believe me again. I don't want to leave you. I'm not going to, if I have any say in it. [Miu pauses again and gives a helpless shrug and a shake of her head.]

[ He still isn't looking at her, eyes on the floor and on her feet when she steps over to him. The tenseness in his body should be obvious, and he's almost ready to bolt and just leave her here in his apartment if necessary. If she had touched him, that would have been it -- so she's lucky she didn't go that far. ]

Don't make it sound simpler than it is.

[ If anything, knowing what she does know, the hard wall he keeps around his heart may make a lot more sense. It may explain why even Saihara never sounded certain of what he knew of Ouma either. ]

We both already know that even those who are supposed to be family can let you down, people are people after all. Don't make promises you may not be able to keep, Hinasaki-chan or I'll get really pissed.

I wasn't. I said it, didn't I? I can't promise this place won't choose to do something different, but if I do have a choice, my choice is to stay. I don't want to go.

[She's quiet a moment before speaking softly.]

Please. Let me stay.

[She has a feeling that Kokichi's not sure which he wants more either way. He'd stopped her from leaving earlier, would he shove her away now? He knows--she knows he has to know--that his rejection would hurt worse than anything else he could ever do to her. It probably wasn't as dramatic as placing her life in his hands, but it might as well have been.]

[ He stays quiet, resisting the urge to curl up and instead keeping his head down. For a long minute, it's almost like he's probably going to say no, especially as he stands up and pushes lightly at her stomach with his fingertips. ]

Wait there.

[ If only because she might have taken off her shoes and stockings, but her skirt and probably underwear and whatever else will be wet as well.

He only has to go to the end of the the room to grab something out of his closet, throwing spare clothes at her. ]

[She steps back and lets him pass, watching him quietly. She's not sure what to expect, but she catches the clothes with only a slight fumble of surprise.]

Ah... [Oh. There's a hint of a relieved smile and she turns silently to go into the bathroom to change. It'll give them both a few minutes alone to breathe, at least. Miu takes her time to splash water on her face and let the world shift a little back into focus.

Perhaps she wasn't fully forgiven, but he was giving her spare clothes and letting her stay, so that was something, right? It had to mean something was at least stable again between them. Or starting to be. It still felt like walking on eggshells, but she coul breathe easier.

They're the same height and their builds aren't that different from each other, so his clothes fit fine enough if a little loose. She hangs her clothes to dry in his bathroom, not sure where else to put them, and reemerges feeling a little more human now that she's dry and warmer.]

[ He doesn't give her a smile in return, but she probably wasn't going to expect one either. He breathes out when she's gone though, flopping back onto his bed and rubbing his face. He still can't work out how to feel about it, but if she's going to be around he'll need to figure out something to do. ]

Hinasaki-chan, now you almost look like a member of my organisation.

[ It's the first thing he says when she steps back in, though there isn't the same warmth or teasing tone as before. ]

I'll assume that's a compliment and say 'thanks.' [She won't say she feels a little like a clown in them, that'd be rude and their both still a little too raw to start the sarcasm, maybe.

She takes a seat on the edge of the bed, resting her palms against the sheets as she leans back and looks at him. She still doesn't touch him though, being mindful of his space, and her attention soon turns to his chart. She recognizes a lot more of them than she thought, eyebrows raising at Kaito and Iruma's "dead" and her own "lying bitch." Shuichi's hearts and "trustworthy" somehow manage to not surprise her at all though.

Miu can't help but wonder if that's how it's been all along, or if he added it after she'd gone.]

How long...?

Edited 2017-12-26 19:58 (UTC)

Who knows? [ He hums it back, feigning innocence, like he doesn't know what she means.

It actually is a little, almost like he'd almost considered her that close. It's a little shaky now, even if he knows it isn't her fault -- he's still blaming her for chasing after an unrealistic dream to begin with.

His eyes shift towards the board, following her line of sight. ]

How long what?

[There's no answer to his question right away, because there's a million more behind it and she's debating which she should start with, which she might actually get an answer for.]

How long was I gone? [Is what she'll finally go for first.]

A few days, I think. I went to your apartment and you weren't there. Your amulet was on the floor.

[ At least it'll explain why he had it to begin with. ]

Oh. [She winces, an apology on her tongue before she stops herself. She's got nothing to keep apologizing for.

Her gaze wanders over the board again.]

Momota-san and Iruma-san... [Hesitation, just a moment. She doesn't want to believe it and maybe later she'll have a more emotional reaction to it all, but she feels numb still. But maybe that just makes it as good a time as any to ask about it.] Were they classmates of yours' that... died during that... game?

[ He freezes as she questions it, though the board had been more to put his own thoughts into action, he'd normally not let anyone but Saihara come in here. Simply because it was safer that way. Saihara was the one who knew everything, after all. ]

Yes. [ It's all he says, not moving, like ice rather than a person. He doesn't want to talk about it in detail if he can help it. ] But Iruma-chan doesn't remember.

[ He feels like that should come as a warning, so Miu doesn't tell her either. ]

['Iruma-chan doesn't remember' implies that Kaito does, however. And Kokichi's short response is enough of an indicator that Miu can tell he doesn't want to go into detail, which... Fair enough.

So she won't push.] ...Okay. [It's going to be strange, facing Iruma with that knowledge. She can't imagine how he's been dealing with it.]

Can I lay down? [It might be annoying to be this overly cautious with him right now, but the last thing she wants is for him to kick her out--or hell, run off himself.]

[ Well he does, but he's not bringing that up either. ]

You weren't supposed to see it. [ He murmurs it, like that helps take any of this back. ] Lay down if you want, you're dry now, right?

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