[Miu winces before she can stop herself and rubs her palms against her knees in a self-soothing gesture, a distraction.]
Yeah. Even then. I was able to understand things a little more, about her and her choices. I got closure this way, I don't... have to wonder anymore. It's painful--it's more painful than anything I've ever gone through, and I never want to again, but... Regardless of how I feel right now, I know it's better in the long run.
[She shrugs lightly.] And as for Iruma-san and Momota-san? I'm still glad I know. What if I touched them and accidentally saw their deaths? I can at least be a little more prepared now, a little more careful.
[A pause and she watches him carefully.] Do you regret telling me?
[ He still isn't looking at her as she talks, eyes flickering over the board to where those two pictures are with DEAD scribbled over the top. ]
You got closure, that usually helps someone move on.
[ And if they'll never get closure like he never will, what then? Saihara can't answer everything for him, some of it he wasn't even sure of still. His head lowers slightly. ]
Maybe you shouldn't just go around touching people in that case, you'd only have yourself to blame if you saw something like that.
[ It's a cruel way to say it, but he doesn't want her seeing either -- especially Iruma. If she did, she'd know, even if both are just as bad.
He's responsible for both of them, after all. So while he doesn't answer her, the answer to that is "yes". ]
[ He stays quiet, there's a lot of things he doesn't want her to see, honestly. One slip up, should his emotions spiral before he can help himself, could lead to something tragic.
He doesn't know how she'd react to any of it, but how would she feel if she saw what he manipulated Gokuhara into doing? Momota, too? What if she felt the poison coarsing through him and the feel of the press pushing down? ]
[Miu stands then and walks over to him, standing close, but not enough to be touching him. She says nothing for a moment, dropping her hands to her sides. Sometimes it might stop? He might stop it? That's fine, she thinks.]
Well, I'm not going to force you. If you're uncomfortable, you just have to tell me to stop.
It's fine to set up boundaries, you know. I'm not that much of a bitch to not respect it, and-- [A pause and she finishes, a tad uncomfortably] It's not like I don't know about that sort of thing. [Not wanting to be touched, wanting to say no, etc. It's not the same sort of situation or the same reasoning he has and she knows it (intimacy of that sort has nothing to do with this), but the sentiment is the same.]
The problem is you have to actually, you know, talk about it. [Instead of expecting her to read his mind and know what's about to set him off or something. Like talking about Iruma that one time.]
[ Supicious of what? Him struggling to let people in? That’d been obvious from the start. ]
Three: [ Now, he pauses and hesitates. ] Lie to Iruma-chan with all your heart. I don’t care if it hurts. If she hears she died from you and I find out, I’ll never speak to you again.
[No she just keeps expecting him to pull out something ridiculous like "and on Wednesdays we wear pink."
But it seems like he's actually being serious about all of this, so she files everything in her head away to remember. There's a part of her that wants to say something like, 'what happened to wanting me to be honest?' but thankfully she refrains from that.]
...She won't hear about it from me. I promise. [Miu doesn't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for Iruma to know about it, but in the end it's not her world, not her classmate, and not her choice to make.]
The question makes her pause.] Does it matter if I know why? You told me you don't want me to, so I... I'm trusting you that there's a good enough reason for it. [She assumes it's just because he doesn't want Iruma finding out in general--it'd be a terrible blow to someone to find out they're murdered or something (and since they're from this killing game thing, she assumes it was murder) and having to come to grips with their own mortality and what might await them should they leave this world and go back home.
No matter how much Kokichi hates Iruma, laying that kind of crisis on her seems beyond cruel, even for him. Pulling that kind of ammunition out just for petty spite isn't a line he'd cross, she'd like to think.
With a bit more confidence now she repeats:] I trust you. [Somewhat.] I figure if it's something I absolutely need to know, you'll tell me. Of course I want to know, but I can wait. [Until he tells her on his own, or she finds out by accident somehow, or Shuichi tells her. Whatever happens first. It's one of many, many mysteries surrounding these guys, but Iruma's fate/why Kokichi wants it hidden from her is low on the priority list.]
[ He blinks at her once her mini speech is done, then slowly moves to stand up. ] It sounds like you’ve been spending too much time with Momota-chan when you make such inspiring speeches like that, Hinasaki-chan. Gross.
[ He steps away from her, dropping the papers into a corner. He’s quiet for a moment, but then when he looks back at her again he looks and sounds serious. ] Iruma-chan attempted to kill me, that’s why I had her murdered instead. You wanted to know, right? Better hearing it from me than being shocked if you ever see it. It was a pretty horrendous sight, after all. So if you have some pleasant thought about me wanting to protect her from the truth, I’m more protecting myself. Happy now?
[Miu rolls her eyes and neglects to comment on that. Was it an inspiring speech? She didn't think so. Why did he have to keep undermining her attempts at being honest?? Briefly she considers finding the pillow and whacking him with it a few times until she feels better, but then he's speaking again, and--
Oh.
She blinks slowly, feeling curiously numb to the admission. It's a lot to take in and believe all at once, but a searching look at Kokichi's face tells her that he isn't lying. He'd already told her once before that he'd had someone killed, but it's different when she can put truth and faces to it.
Ren had killed someone too as a child, supposedly. She remembered visiting that memory quite clearly. She remembers the memory of Kyozo Kururugi too and his frenzied massacre of the priests and priestesses before lighting himself on fire.
It's different when it's someone you've been growing close to, and at once Miu feels exhausted all over again. It's been a very long night.
Slowly she wets her lips with the tip of her tongue, running his--confession?-- over in her head again and eyeing Kokichi with a frown. It's a strange struggle of trying to combine this knowledge with what she already knew and what she'd thought she'd known. And maybe some disconnect in trying to combine this with what she knows of Iruma. 'Iruma-chan attempted to kill me.' That Iruma? Purposefully?
In the end, though, there's nothing really to say about it. Her decision from before, when he'd hinted at this the first time, hasn't changed. Instead she asks]
What are you hoping I'll do? Or say? Do you want me to hate you or to push you away? Do you want me to get scared and run off? You should already know what my response is. It hasn't changed.
[ The whole point of saying that was to completely shake her up with the rest, true. He doesn't move as she processes it all, not sure if she'll automatically believe it or not. Will she even want to? On top of that, he's more than aware she's struggling with the death of her mother. ]
If I wanted you to hate me, I'd show you a visual, because I didn't even tell you the worst part of it or why everyone else hated me after it. [ He pauses. ] You're friends, right? I have no idea if she is from further in the past or just had her memories messed with, what would you do if you saw that and she still had no idea?
[Miu frowns at him a moment and hesitates with her answer, because, well, she's not sure.]
I'm not sure if it'd work if the memories were blocked or something. But... [She won't point out that it's likely Iruma would re-experience it too and remember it if the memories were just blocked but still there.]
...I don't know. Tell you and Saihara-san that I saw it and let you guys decide from there. This is... between you and Iruma-san, and sort of Saihara-san. [He's their babysitter, not her!!] I'm not going to tell her anything I know. I don't think she'd believe it if it came from me anyhow, since I'm not from your world or anything. She'd just call me a liar and get mad, probably...
[Miu trails off, eyeing Kokichi in consideration.] ...If she tried to go after you, I'd stop her.
Even if it isn't with your weird abilities, even I can share memories here if I'm concentrating enough. You never know, Hinasaki-chan. [ Well, normally Tojo would be the babysitter but she's not here so yeah... good luck Saihara. ]
Like she's one to talk, everyone completely fell for her act. [ He sighs. ] And you don't have to say something like that, y'know? I'd probably deserve it if she did.
[She doubts Kokichi would purposefully share sensitive memories with anyone though, so that kind of comment doesn't mean anything to her.
She does grit her teeth in irritation, however, at the rest of his commentary. I'd probably deserve it, well yeah probably, but that doesn't make it okay. She turns and moves to grab the pillow that had been abandoned by the canoe earlier and lobs it at him.]
Stupid! Think about someone else's feelings for a change! If something happened to you, I-- [Well, not just herself really] There's still people that'd be upset! I don't-- They don't-- [Ah fuck it she's talking about herself right now and they both know it. She sighs, aggravated, and shakes her head, closing her eyes a moment both to calm herself and because it's easier to say these things when she's not looking at him.] I don't want to lose you too.
[ He might with Saihara, but that's... a different story to this. He doesn't move as she hits him with the pillow though, just clenches his jaw as he keeps smiling at her. ]
Ah, but you wouldn't lose me, Hinasaki-chan! Didn't you know? If you die here, you just come back a couple of days later. Poof! You're back.
[ His eyes move up to her hand that's raised, and that just makes his smile widen. Whether it's because he's found something to latch onto, is faked or he's actually happy isn't exactly clear though. ]
Hey, Hinasaki-chan did you know Momota-chan punched me a lot before. If you want to, I might not actually be surprised. Either way! I've heard it from enough sources that I doubt that'd happen.
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[ His eyes don't move away from the board as he says it. ]
Even knowing about Iruma-chan and Momota-chan?
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Yeah. Even then. I was able to understand things a little more, about her and her choices. I got closure this way, I don't... have to wonder anymore. It's painful--it's more painful than anything I've ever gone through, and I never want to again, but... Regardless of how I feel right now, I know it's better in the long run.
[She shrugs lightly.] And as for Iruma-san and Momota-san? I'm still glad I know. What if I touched them and accidentally saw their deaths? I can at least be a little more prepared now, a little more careful.
[A pause and she watches him carefully.] Do you regret telling me?
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You got closure, that usually helps someone move on.
[ And if they'll never get closure like he never will, what then? Saihara can't answer everything for him, some of it he wasn't even sure of still. His head lowers slightly. ]
Maybe you shouldn't just go around touching people in that case, you'd only have yourself to blame if you saw something like that.
[ It's a cruel way to say it, but he doesn't want her seeing either -- especially Iruma. If she did, she'd know, even if both are just as bad.
He's responsible for both of them, after all. So while he doesn't answer her, the answer to that is "yes". ]
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People need touch. Even me, sometimes. I can't avoid it forever. [But she's not even sure if she's serious about it.]
You still let me touch you. Is that going to stop too? I already told you I can usually control it.
idr if i said spoilers before so hardcore spoilers now
He doesn't know how she'd react to any of it, but how would she feel if she saw what he manipulated Gokuhara into doing? Momota, too? What if she felt the poison coarsing through him and the feel of the press pushing down? ]
Sometimes it might.
smh maybe i didn't want to be spoiled??
Well, I'm not going to force you. If you're uncomfortable, you just have to tell me to stop.
It's fine to set up boundaries, you know. I'm not that much of a bitch to not respect it, and-- [A pause and she finishes, a tad uncomfortably] It's not like I don't know about that sort of thing. [Not wanting to be touched, wanting to say no, etc. It's not the same sort of situation or the same reasoning he has and she knows it (intimacy of that sort has nothing to do with this), but the sentiment is the same.]
The problem is you have to actually, you know, talk about it. [Instead of expecting her to read his mind and know what's about to set him off or something. Like talking about Iruma that one time.]
Oh my god KILLS YOU
[ He stretches his legs out, leans back until his elbows are on the floor.
Sadly, in a way, talking about talking about it is apparently enough to set him off as well. Congrats. ]
After today, you won’t come back here. [ Boundary #1 ]
help help i'm being oppressed
She crosses her arms over her chest and takes a step back regardless, watching him with a guarded expression.]
Fine. You're still welcome at my place. [Not that she expects him to ever break in again now, but she felt it needed to be said anyhow.]
u will,be!!
Anyway. He holds up his fingers to count. ]
Fine, whatever. Two: You ask me every time before you touch me.
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Fair enough.
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Three: [ Now, he pauses and hesitates. ] Lie to Iruma-chan with all your heart. I don’t care if it hurts. If she hears she died from you and I find out, I’ll never speak to you again.
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But it seems like he's actually being serious about all of this, so she files everything in her head away to remember. There's a part of her that wants to say something like, 'what happened to wanting me to be honest?' but thankfully she refrains from that.]
...She won't hear about it from me. I promise. [Miu doesn't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for Iruma to know about it, but in the end it's not her world, not her classmate, and not her choice to make.]
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Still, her acceptance of it isn’t weird but what is weird is that she isn’t asking a million questions at the same time. ]
You aren’t going to ask why?
[ Someday Saihara will probably tell her, but he’d rather that than hearing from someone not from home, yes. ]
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The question makes her pause.] Does it matter if I know why? You told me you don't want me to, so I... I'm trusting you that there's a good enough reason for it. [She assumes it's just because he doesn't want Iruma finding out in general--it'd be a terrible blow to someone to find out they're murdered or something (and since they're from this killing game thing, she assumes it was murder) and having to come to grips with their own mortality and what might await them should they leave this world and go back home.
No matter how much Kokichi hates Iruma, laying that kind of crisis on her seems beyond cruel, even for him. Pulling that kind of ammunition out just for petty spite isn't a line he'd cross, she'd like to think.
With a bit more confidence now she repeats:] I trust you. [Somewhat.] I figure if it's something I absolutely need to know, you'll tell me. Of course I want to know, but I can wait. [Until he tells her on his own, or she finds out by accident somehow, or Shuichi tells her. Whatever happens first. It's one of many, many mysteries surrounding these guys, but Iruma's fate/why Kokichi wants it hidden from her is low on the priority list.]
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[ He steps away from her, dropping the papers into a corner. He’s quiet for a moment, but then when he looks back at her again he looks and sounds serious. ] Iruma-chan attempted to kill me, that’s why I had her murdered instead. You wanted to know, right? Better hearing it from me than being shocked if you ever see it. It was a pretty horrendous sight, after all. So if you have some pleasant thought about me wanting to protect her from the truth, I’m more protecting myself. Happy now?
[ He smiles at her, overly sickly sweet. ]
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Oh.
She blinks slowly, feeling curiously numb to the admission. It's a lot to take in and believe all at once, but a searching look at Kokichi's face tells her that he isn't lying. He'd already told her once before that he'd had someone killed, but it's different when she can put truth and faces to it.
Ren had killed someone too as a child, supposedly. She remembered visiting that memory quite clearly. She remembers the memory of Kyozo Kururugi too and his frenzied massacre of the priests and priestesses before lighting himself on fire.
It's different when it's someone you've been growing close to, and at once Miu feels exhausted all over again. It's been a very long night.
Slowly she wets her lips with the tip of her tongue, running his--confession?-- over in her head again and eyeing Kokichi with a frown. It's a strange struggle of trying to combine this knowledge with what she already knew and what she'd thought she'd known. And maybe some disconnect in trying to combine this with what she knows of Iruma. 'Iruma-chan attempted to kill me.' That Iruma? Purposefully?
In the end, though, there's nothing really to say about it. Her decision from before, when he'd hinted at this the first time, hasn't changed. Instead she asks]
What are you hoping I'll do? Or say? Do you want me to hate you or to push you away? Do you want me to get scared and run off? You should already know what my response is. It hasn't changed.
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If I wanted you to hate me, I'd show you a visual, because I didn't even tell you the worst part of it or why everyone else hated me after it. [ He pauses. ] You're friends, right? I have no idea if she is from further in the past or just had her memories messed with, what would you do if you saw that and she still had no idea?
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I'm not sure if it'd work if the memories were blocked or something. But... [She won't point out that it's likely Iruma would re-experience it too and remember it if the memories were just blocked but still there.]
...I don't know. Tell you and Saihara-san that I saw it and let you guys decide from there. This is... between you and Iruma-san, and sort of Saihara-san. [He's their babysitter, not her!!] I'm not going to tell her anything I know. I don't think she'd believe it if it came from me anyhow, since I'm not from your world or anything. She'd just call me a liar and get mad, probably...
[Miu trails off, eyeing Kokichi in consideration.] ...If she tried to go after you, I'd stop her.
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Like she's one to talk, everyone completely fell for her act. [ He sighs. ] And you don't have to say something like that, y'know? I'd probably deserve it if she did.
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She does grit her teeth in irritation, however, at the rest of his commentary. I'd probably deserve it, well yeah probably, but that doesn't make it okay. She turns and moves to grab the pillow that had been abandoned by the canoe earlier and lobs it at him.]
Stupid! Think about someone else's feelings for a change! If something happened to you, I-- [Well, not just herself really] There's still people that'd be upset! I don't-- They don't-- [Ah fuck it she's talking about herself right now and they both know it. She sighs, aggravated, and shakes her head, closing her eyes a moment both to calm herself and because it's easier to say these things when she's not looking at him.] I don't want to lose you too.
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Ah, but you wouldn't lose me, Hinasaki-chan! Didn't you know? If you die here, you just come back a couple of days later. Poof! You're back.
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So-- what? That makes it okay?
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Why not?
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...You're a terrible liar. And what happens if this place decides not to revive you, or something goes wrong and it's actually permanent?
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Hey, Hinasaki-chan did you know Momota-chan punched me a lot before. If you want to, I might not actually be surprised. Either way! I've heard it from enough sources that I doubt that'd happen.
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