[ Supicious of what? Him struggling to let people in? That’d been obvious from the start. ]
Three: [ Now, he pauses and hesitates. ] Lie to Iruma-chan with all your heart. I don’t care if it hurts. If she hears she died from you and I find out, I’ll never speak to you again.
[No she just keeps expecting him to pull out something ridiculous like "and on Wednesdays we wear pink."
But it seems like he's actually being serious about all of this, so she files everything in her head away to remember. There's a part of her that wants to say something like, 'what happened to wanting me to be honest?' but thankfully she refrains from that.]
...She won't hear about it from me. I promise. [Miu doesn't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for Iruma to know about it, but in the end it's not her world, not her classmate, and not her choice to make.]
The question makes her pause.] Does it matter if I know why? You told me you don't want me to, so I... I'm trusting you that there's a good enough reason for it. [She assumes it's just because he doesn't want Iruma finding out in general--it'd be a terrible blow to someone to find out they're murdered or something (and since they're from this killing game thing, she assumes it was murder) and having to come to grips with their own mortality and what might await them should they leave this world and go back home.
No matter how much Kokichi hates Iruma, laying that kind of crisis on her seems beyond cruel, even for him. Pulling that kind of ammunition out just for petty spite isn't a line he'd cross, she'd like to think.
With a bit more confidence now she repeats:] I trust you. [Somewhat.] I figure if it's something I absolutely need to know, you'll tell me. Of course I want to know, but I can wait. [Until he tells her on his own, or she finds out by accident somehow, or Shuichi tells her. Whatever happens first. It's one of many, many mysteries surrounding these guys, but Iruma's fate/why Kokichi wants it hidden from her is low on the priority list.]
[ He blinks at her once her mini speech is done, then slowly moves to stand up. ] It sounds like you’ve been spending too much time with Momota-chan when you make such inspiring speeches like that, Hinasaki-chan. Gross.
[ He steps away from her, dropping the papers into a corner. He’s quiet for a moment, but then when he looks back at her again he looks and sounds serious. ] Iruma-chan attempted to kill me, that’s why I had her murdered instead. You wanted to know, right? Better hearing it from me than being shocked if you ever see it. It was a pretty horrendous sight, after all. So if you have some pleasant thought about me wanting to protect her from the truth, I’m more protecting myself. Happy now?
[Miu rolls her eyes and neglects to comment on that. Was it an inspiring speech? She didn't think so. Why did he have to keep undermining her attempts at being honest?? Briefly she considers finding the pillow and whacking him with it a few times until she feels better, but then he's speaking again, and--
Oh.
She blinks slowly, feeling curiously numb to the admission. It's a lot to take in and believe all at once, but a searching look at Kokichi's face tells her that he isn't lying. He'd already told her once before that he'd had someone killed, but it's different when she can put truth and faces to it.
Ren had killed someone too as a child, supposedly. She remembered visiting that memory quite clearly. She remembers the memory of Kyozo Kururugi too and his frenzied massacre of the priests and priestesses before lighting himself on fire.
It's different when it's someone you've been growing close to, and at once Miu feels exhausted all over again. It's been a very long night.
Slowly she wets her lips with the tip of her tongue, running his--confession?-- over in her head again and eyeing Kokichi with a frown. It's a strange struggle of trying to combine this knowledge with what she already knew and what she'd thought she'd known. And maybe some disconnect in trying to combine this with what she knows of Iruma. 'Iruma-chan attempted to kill me.' That Iruma? Purposefully?
In the end, though, there's nothing really to say about it. Her decision from before, when he'd hinted at this the first time, hasn't changed. Instead she asks]
What are you hoping I'll do? Or say? Do you want me to hate you or to push you away? Do you want me to get scared and run off? You should already know what my response is. It hasn't changed.
[ The whole point of saying that was to completely shake her up with the rest, true. He doesn't move as she processes it all, not sure if she'll automatically believe it or not. Will she even want to? On top of that, he's more than aware she's struggling with the death of her mother. ]
If I wanted you to hate me, I'd show you a visual, because I didn't even tell you the worst part of it or why everyone else hated me after it. [ He pauses. ] You're friends, right? I have no idea if she is from further in the past or just had her memories messed with, what would you do if you saw that and she still had no idea?
[Miu frowns at him a moment and hesitates with her answer, because, well, she's not sure.]
I'm not sure if it'd work if the memories were blocked or something. But... [She won't point out that it's likely Iruma would re-experience it too and remember it if the memories were just blocked but still there.]
...I don't know. Tell you and Saihara-san that I saw it and let you guys decide from there. This is... between you and Iruma-san, and sort of Saihara-san. [He's their babysitter, not her!!] I'm not going to tell her anything I know. I don't think she'd believe it if it came from me anyhow, since I'm not from your world or anything. She'd just call me a liar and get mad, probably...
[Miu trails off, eyeing Kokichi in consideration.] ...If she tried to go after you, I'd stop her.
Even if it isn't with your weird abilities, even I can share memories here if I'm concentrating enough. You never know, Hinasaki-chan. [ Well, normally Tojo would be the babysitter but she's not here so yeah... good luck Saihara. ]
Like she's one to talk, everyone completely fell for her act. [ He sighs. ] And you don't have to say something like that, y'know? I'd probably deserve it if she did.
[She doubts Kokichi would purposefully share sensitive memories with anyone though, so that kind of comment doesn't mean anything to her.
She does grit her teeth in irritation, however, at the rest of his commentary. I'd probably deserve it, well yeah probably, but that doesn't make it okay. She turns and moves to grab the pillow that had been abandoned by the canoe earlier and lobs it at him.]
Stupid! Think about someone else's feelings for a change! If something happened to you, I-- [Well, not just herself really] There's still people that'd be upset! I don't-- They don't-- [Ah fuck it she's talking about herself right now and they both know it. She sighs, aggravated, and shakes her head, closing her eyes a moment both to calm herself and because it's easier to say these things when she's not looking at him.] I don't want to lose you too.
[ He might with Saihara, but that's... a different story to this. He doesn't move as she hits him with the pillow though, just clenches his jaw as he keeps smiling at her. ]
Ah, but you wouldn't lose me, Hinasaki-chan! Didn't you know? If you die here, you just come back a couple of days later. Poof! You're back.
[ His eyes move up to her hand that's raised, and that just makes his smile widen. Whether it's because he's found something to latch onto, is faked or he's actually happy isn't exactly clear though. ]
Hey, Hinasaki-chan did you know Momota-chan punched me a lot before. If you want to, I might not actually be surprised. Either way! I've heard it from enough sources that I doubt that'd happen.
...I'm not going to hit you. [Her fingers clench and unclench and she takes a breath to cal herself. It was easier when she didn't really have emotions. It was easier when she could cut herself off, so she tries to regain that for the moment.]
I'm selfish, remember...? I don't care if it's only temporary, that doesn't give you any free reign to be reckless with your life. You don't know everything about how this place works, you can't say for certain it'll work out in your favor.
[ Oh he knows that too, thanks. She's just as guilty at making him feel more as well, so she can suffer through this with him. ]
You really are selfish. But I guess I shouldn't expect too much of someone who struggled along and latched onto a memory of someone who didn't deserve her. [ He looks at his hand rather than her. ] And maybe I don't know enough about this place, but it's still better than the odds I had back home.
[Her vision wavers and blurs with sudden tears. Nice reminder, thanks Kokichi you fuck. She makes a small, frustrated noise and wipes at her face, then stands there for a moment with her hand pressed over her eyes]
...Can't you... At least promise to be careful? I'm not the only one that'd be hurt by it. Regardless of if you come back or not.
Then... We'll just have to keep at it until you believe us, I guess.
[Challenge accepted. She sniffles a little and drops her hand down to her side again. She feels exhausted again and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly.]
Why does talking to you always make me feel like I need to nap for 5 years afterwards?
Uh huh. [ But he isn't going to keep talking about that. ] Because right now I'm still mad at you--whether it's warranted or not. You can sleep some more if you want though, I'm not gonna stop you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oh my god KILLS YOU
[ He stretches his legs out, leans back until his elbows are on the floor.
Sadly, in a way, talking about talking about it is apparently enough to set him off as well. Congrats. ]
After today, you won’t come back here. [ Boundary #1 ]
help help i'm being oppressed
She crosses her arms over her chest and takes a step back regardless, watching him with a guarded expression.]
Fine. You're still welcome at my place. [Not that she expects him to ever break in again now, but she felt it needed to be said anyhow.]
u will,be!!
Anyway. He holds up his fingers to count. ]
Fine, whatever. Two: You ask me every time before you touch me.
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Fair enough.
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Three: [ Now, he pauses and hesitates. ] Lie to Iruma-chan with all your heart. I don’t care if it hurts. If she hears she died from you and I find out, I’ll never speak to you again.
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But it seems like he's actually being serious about all of this, so she files everything in her head away to remember. There's a part of her that wants to say something like, 'what happened to wanting me to be honest?' but thankfully she refrains from that.]
...She won't hear about it from me. I promise. [Miu doesn't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for Iruma to know about it, but in the end it's not her world, not her classmate, and not her choice to make.]
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Still, her acceptance of it isn’t weird but what is weird is that she isn’t asking a million questions at the same time. ]
You aren’t going to ask why?
[ Someday Saihara will probably tell her, but he’d rather that than hearing from someone not from home, yes. ]
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The question makes her pause.] Does it matter if I know why? You told me you don't want me to, so I... I'm trusting you that there's a good enough reason for it. [She assumes it's just because he doesn't want Iruma finding out in general--it'd be a terrible blow to someone to find out they're murdered or something (and since they're from this killing game thing, she assumes it was murder) and having to come to grips with their own mortality and what might await them should they leave this world and go back home.
No matter how much Kokichi hates Iruma, laying that kind of crisis on her seems beyond cruel, even for him. Pulling that kind of ammunition out just for petty spite isn't a line he'd cross, she'd like to think.
With a bit more confidence now she repeats:] I trust you. [Somewhat.] I figure if it's something I absolutely need to know, you'll tell me. Of course I want to know, but I can wait. [Until he tells her on his own, or she finds out by accident somehow, or Shuichi tells her. Whatever happens first. It's one of many, many mysteries surrounding these guys, but Iruma's fate/why Kokichi wants it hidden from her is low on the priority list.]
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[ He steps away from her, dropping the papers into a corner. He’s quiet for a moment, but then when he looks back at her again he looks and sounds serious. ] Iruma-chan attempted to kill me, that’s why I had her murdered instead. You wanted to know, right? Better hearing it from me than being shocked if you ever see it. It was a pretty horrendous sight, after all. So if you have some pleasant thought about me wanting to protect her from the truth, I’m more protecting myself. Happy now?
[ He smiles at her, overly sickly sweet. ]
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Oh.
She blinks slowly, feeling curiously numb to the admission. It's a lot to take in and believe all at once, but a searching look at Kokichi's face tells her that he isn't lying. He'd already told her once before that he'd had someone killed, but it's different when she can put truth and faces to it.
Ren had killed someone too as a child, supposedly. She remembered visiting that memory quite clearly. She remembers the memory of Kyozo Kururugi too and his frenzied massacre of the priests and priestesses before lighting himself on fire.
It's different when it's someone you've been growing close to, and at once Miu feels exhausted all over again. It's been a very long night.
Slowly she wets her lips with the tip of her tongue, running his--confession?-- over in her head again and eyeing Kokichi with a frown. It's a strange struggle of trying to combine this knowledge with what she already knew and what she'd thought she'd known. And maybe some disconnect in trying to combine this with what she knows of Iruma. 'Iruma-chan attempted to kill me.' That Iruma? Purposefully?
In the end, though, there's nothing really to say about it. Her decision from before, when he'd hinted at this the first time, hasn't changed. Instead she asks]
What are you hoping I'll do? Or say? Do you want me to hate you or to push you away? Do you want me to get scared and run off? You should already know what my response is. It hasn't changed.
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If I wanted you to hate me, I'd show you a visual, because I didn't even tell you the worst part of it or why everyone else hated me after it. [ He pauses. ] You're friends, right? I have no idea if she is from further in the past or just had her memories messed with, what would you do if you saw that and she still had no idea?
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I'm not sure if it'd work if the memories were blocked or something. But... [She won't point out that it's likely Iruma would re-experience it too and remember it if the memories were just blocked but still there.]
...I don't know. Tell you and Saihara-san that I saw it and let you guys decide from there. This is... between you and Iruma-san, and sort of Saihara-san. [He's their babysitter, not her!!] I'm not going to tell her anything I know. I don't think she'd believe it if it came from me anyhow, since I'm not from your world or anything. She'd just call me a liar and get mad, probably...
[Miu trails off, eyeing Kokichi in consideration.] ...If she tried to go after you, I'd stop her.
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Like she's one to talk, everyone completely fell for her act. [ He sighs. ] And you don't have to say something like that, y'know? I'd probably deserve it if she did.
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She does grit her teeth in irritation, however, at the rest of his commentary. I'd probably deserve it, well yeah probably, but that doesn't make it okay. She turns and moves to grab the pillow that had been abandoned by the canoe earlier and lobs it at him.]
Stupid! Think about someone else's feelings for a change! If something happened to you, I-- [Well, not just herself really] There's still people that'd be upset! I don't-- They don't-- [Ah fuck it she's talking about herself right now and they both know it. She sighs, aggravated, and shakes her head, closing her eyes a moment both to calm herself and because it's easier to say these things when she's not looking at him.] I don't want to lose you too.
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Ah, but you wouldn't lose me, Hinasaki-chan! Didn't you know? If you die here, you just come back a couple of days later. Poof! You're back.
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So-- what? That makes it okay?
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Why not?
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...You're a terrible liar. And what happens if this place decides not to revive you, or something goes wrong and it's actually permanent?
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Hey, Hinasaki-chan did you know Momota-chan punched me a lot before. If you want to, I might not actually be surprised. Either way! I've heard it from enough sources that I doubt that'd happen.
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I'm selfish, remember...? I don't care if it's only temporary, that doesn't give you any free reign to be reckless with your life. You don't know everything about how this place works, you can't say for certain it'll work out in your favor.
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You really are selfish. But I guess I shouldn't expect too much of someone who struggled along and latched onto a memory of someone who didn't deserve her. [ He looks at his hand rather than her. ] And maybe I don't know enough about this place, but it's still better than the odds I had back home.
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...Can't you... At least promise to be careful? I'm not the only one that'd be hurt by it. Regardless of if you come back or not.
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Maybe. Though those people are still trying to convince me of that as well. [ The smile on his face is actually blank. ] So don't take it personally.
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[Challenge accepted. She sniffles a little and drops her hand down to her side again. She feels exhausted again and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly.]
Why does talking to you always make me feel like I need to nap for 5 years afterwards?
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