Probably. Probably there's something broken in me, but... [She closes her eyes again and sighs] It's fine. Who cares... I don't have to worry too much about that here. It's better than crying more, right?
['Here' in this world, or 'here' with Kokichi? Both?? Her happy contentment takes the form of little rainbows and bubbles floating around her like something out of a shoujo manga. Since her eyes are closed, she doesn't notice them.
Instead her voice drops to a quieter, musing tone] I can start figuring out who the 'real me' is here. I can actually be myself.
[ His eyes shift over the bubbles and rainbows, and thankfully he keeps his mouth shut. He knows how it feels to have it called out, besides it’d be acknowledging something here. ]
Right. [ So he only says that instead, stretches out his legs after and averts his own eyes to his feet. ]
[The shoujo light show fizzes out shortly anyhow, because with her eyes closed she's starting to realize just how exhausted she is. Despite her laughter and everything else, things still aren't great, but they're... better.
She's not over her mother. Regardless of how she was treated, it's still her mother who was now really, truly, dead. It stings. It hurts. She doesn't know when it'll stop hurting, if ever, but it's a little easier to breathe now than it had been only a couple hours ago.
'I'm alone,' she'd told her mother, standing on that edge between the living world and the underworld. Mother had Father, and she had... no one.
But that wasn't true, not exactly. Here she had people like Kokichi (okay those other people were significantly nicer, but still), connections, bonds...
She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she relaxes, half-dozing. The air around her is warm with a feeling of being safe at last.]
[ When she seems to be fading out into sleep he does finally step closer again, but its only to flop the other half of his blankets over her so she’s in a semi cocoon. When that’s done he leaves her be, taking some papers to the floor to doodle out some ideas and plans while she naps. ]
[She doesn't murmur for her mother in her sleep like she used to, sleeping quietly until she begins to stir again. It takes her a moment to remember where she is and that, unfortunately (??), nothing has changed. Her mother is gone. She's in another world. And Kokichi is...
She sits up a little rather abruptly, eyes instantly seeking him out in a mild panic that he might have disappeared too somehow.]
[ He’s still on the floor, papers spread out with pencil marking and colourings all over them. He glances at her when she sits up, lips twitching like he’s trying to not laugh. ]
Oh. [A sigh of relief and the tension leaves her body as she eases back down to lay on her side, propping her head up on her hand.]
I thought-- I mean, I'm... Glad you're still here. I thought I'd wake up alone... [She trails off and stifles a yawn. Was it morning? Whatever. She sqints sleepily at the stuff he's working on.]
You could've still left. [But she lowers her gaze like suddenly the sheets are very interesting and she picks at a loose thread, dropping the exasperated tone quickly with a weary sigh.] ...Or you could've disappeared. I don't know, I'm not going to put logic to irrational fears. Just accept I'm glad you're still here, would you?
[Shut up!! Let her live. But Miu sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed, taking a moment to stretch]
Now you’re just being gross. [ He folds up the papers, glancing over her as she swings her legs over the end of the bed and stretches. He looks thoughtful more than anything though. ]
[Miu winces before she can stop herself and rubs her palms against her knees in a self-soothing gesture, a distraction.]
Yeah. Even then. I was able to understand things a little more, about her and her choices. I got closure this way, I don't... have to wonder anymore. It's painful--it's more painful than anything I've ever gone through, and I never want to again, but... Regardless of how I feel right now, I know it's better in the long run.
[She shrugs lightly.] And as for Iruma-san and Momota-san? I'm still glad I know. What if I touched them and accidentally saw their deaths? I can at least be a little more prepared now, a little more careful.
[A pause and she watches him carefully.] Do you regret telling me?
[ He still isn't looking at her as she talks, eyes flickering over the board to where those two pictures are with DEAD scribbled over the top. ]
You got closure, that usually helps someone move on.
[ And if they'll never get closure like he never will, what then? Saihara can't answer everything for him, some of it he wasn't even sure of still. His head lowers slightly. ]
Maybe you shouldn't just go around touching people in that case, you'd only have yourself to blame if you saw something like that.
[ It's a cruel way to say it, but he doesn't want her seeing either -- especially Iruma. If she did, she'd know, even if both are just as bad.
He's responsible for both of them, after all. So while he doesn't answer her, the answer to that is "yes". ]
[ He stays quiet, there's a lot of things he doesn't want her to see, honestly. One slip up, should his emotions spiral before he can help himself, could lead to something tragic.
He doesn't know how she'd react to any of it, but how would she feel if she saw what he manipulated Gokuhara into doing? Momota, too? What if she felt the poison coarsing through him and the feel of the press pushing down? ]
[Miu stands then and walks over to him, standing close, but not enough to be touching him. She says nothing for a moment, dropping her hands to her sides. Sometimes it might stop? He might stop it? That's fine, she thinks.]
Well, I'm not going to force you. If you're uncomfortable, you just have to tell me to stop.
It's fine to set up boundaries, you know. I'm not that much of a bitch to not respect it, and-- [A pause and she finishes, a tad uncomfortably] It's not like I don't know about that sort of thing. [Not wanting to be touched, wanting to say no, etc. It's not the same sort of situation or the same reasoning he has and she knows it (intimacy of that sort has nothing to do with this), but the sentiment is the same.]
The problem is you have to actually, you know, talk about it. [Instead of expecting her to read his mind and know what's about to set him off or something. Like talking about Iruma that one time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Did you finally lose your mind?
[ She probably doesn’t realise how much that “I hope you don’t change” means either. ]
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['Here' in this world, or 'here' with Kokichi? Both?? Her happy contentment takes the form of little rainbows and bubbles floating around her like something out of a shoujo manga. Since her eyes are closed, she doesn't notice them.
Instead her voice drops to a quieter, musing tone] I can start figuring out who the 'real me' is here. I can actually be myself.
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Right. [ So he only says that instead, stretches out his legs after and averts his own eyes to his feet. ]
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She's not over her mother. Regardless of how she was treated, it's still her mother who was now really, truly, dead. It stings. It hurts. She doesn't know when it'll stop hurting, if ever, but it's a little easier to breathe now than it had been only a couple hours ago.
'I'm alone,' she'd told her mother, standing on that edge between the living world and the underworld. Mother had Father, and she had... no one.
But that wasn't true, not exactly. Here she had people like Kokichi (okay those other people were significantly nicer, but still), connections, bonds...
She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she relaxes, half-dozing. The air around her is warm with a feeling of being safe at last.]
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She sits up a little rather abruptly, eyes instantly seeking him out in a mild panic that he might have disappeared too somehow.]
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Morning, sleeping beauty.
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I thought-- I mean, I'm... Glad you're still here. I thought I'd wake up alone... [She trails off and stifles a yawn. Was it morning? Whatever. She sqints sleepily at the stuff he's working on.]
What are you doing?
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[ He shuffles the papers together. ]
I’m just thinking about something, you don’t need to worry about it.
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[Shut up!! Let her live. But Miu sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed, taking a moment to stretch]
Now I'm even more curious, you know.
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Should I change my board to “nosy bitch” instead?
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She glances to the board and adds dryly:] That'd probably be more accurate at least.
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[ He leans back on his hands. ]
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[She shrugs.]
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Well. Even if it's painful... It's still better to know.
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[ His eyes don't move away from the board as he says it. ]
Even knowing about Iruma-chan and Momota-chan?
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Yeah. Even then. I was able to understand things a little more, about her and her choices. I got closure this way, I don't... have to wonder anymore. It's painful--it's more painful than anything I've ever gone through, and I never want to again, but... Regardless of how I feel right now, I know it's better in the long run.
[She shrugs lightly.] And as for Iruma-san and Momota-san? I'm still glad I know. What if I touched them and accidentally saw their deaths? I can at least be a little more prepared now, a little more careful.
[A pause and she watches him carefully.] Do you regret telling me?
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You got closure, that usually helps someone move on.
[ And if they'll never get closure like he never will, what then? Saihara can't answer everything for him, some of it he wasn't even sure of still. His head lowers slightly. ]
Maybe you shouldn't just go around touching people in that case, you'd only have yourself to blame if you saw something like that.
[ It's a cruel way to say it, but he doesn't want her seeing either -- especially Iruma. If she did, she'd know, even if both are just as bad.
He's responsible for both of them, after all. So while he doesn't answer her, the answer to that is "yes". ]
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People need touch. Even me, sometimes. I can't avoid it forever. [But she's not even sure if she's serious about it.]
You still let me touch you. Is that going to stop too? I already told you I can usually control it.
idr if i said spoilers before so hardcore spoilers now
He doesn't know how she'd react to any of it, but how would she feel if she saw what he manipulated Gokuhara into doing? Momota, too? What if she felt the poison coarsing through him and the feel of the press pushing down? ]
Sometimes it might.
smh maybe i didn't want to be spoiled??
Well, I'm not going to force you. If you're uncomfortable, you just have to tell me to stop.
It's fine to set up boundaries, you know. I'm not that much of a bitch to not respect it, and-- [A pause and she finishes, a tad uncomfortably] It's not like I don't know about that sort of thing. [Not wanting to be touched, wanting to say no, etc. It's not the same sort of situation or the same reasoning he has and she knows it (intimacy of that sort has nothing to do with this), but the sentiment is the same.]
The problem is you have to actually, you know, talk about it. [Instead of expecting her to read his mind and know what's about to set him off or something. Like talking about Iruma that one time.]
Oh my god KILLS YOU
[ He stretches his legs out, leans back until his elbows are on the floor.
Sadly, in a way, talking about talking about it is apparently enough to set him off as well. Congrats. ]
After today, you won’t come back here. [ Boundary #1 ]
help help i'm being oppressed
She crosses her arms over her chest and takes a step back regardless, watching him with a guarded expression.]
Fine. You're still welcome at my place. [Not that she expects him to ever break in again now, but she felt it needed to be said anyhow.]
u will,be!!
Anyway. He holds up his fingers to count. ]
Fine, whatever. Two: You ask me every time before you touch me.
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